Episode 2 “Starvation Scream”

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starvation-scream

It was a dark night in Dadville.  I had to keep watch; I knew there would be trouble lurking in the dirty streets.  I smelled it in the air.  This was the night that I would never forget. The night I discovered my super powers. This dude – as in me – was delusional. It may have been the drugs that the wife slipped me in episode 1. This was the first and the worst night actually.  My super powers (or lack thereof) were no match for this next villian.  It’s an embarrassment when you’re a superhero (like I said, delusional) and you lose to your first adversary (self-named superhero=super zero).  But the story must be told and so it begins.  Again…
It started as a screech in the distance.  Tickling the ear drums like nails on a chalk board.  The noise continued and got louder and closer.  What was once a screech was now the sound of a thousand coyotes stuck in a trash compactor.  Not just stuck, but turned on, crushing their bones and stealing their souls, as they were howling for their lives.  Then I faced it head on: Starvation Scream (screams of death and torture).  It was staring me in the face, and no it was not a dream.  I knew, at this point, I had the situation under control. I had what it would take to defeat this villain (And by had, I was about to be exactly that). I froze. I thought, “What the heck am I doing here and what super powers do I have?” I summoned the courage to boldy mumble (almost whimper), “bring it on baby! I can handle you.  You don’t scare me…” Five minutes later, I was cowering in a corner. I was now crying, and I needed to get out before this villian killed me (ok, killed my ear drums).  My next steps where obvious. I could already feel the blood dripping down my ears (ok, it wasn’t that bad, but close enough!).  It hit me – not the villain, but an idea.  The one thing I packed was my moobs (man boobs). (Don’t take everything you read so seriously. #Seriously. ?)   I remembered this lesson from a long time ago. (I think I heard it on a movie). I would pull out the Man Pepperonis and throw them in Starvation Scream’s face. This could be the super power I was waiting for.  All too soon I was defeated, once again. Tired, beat up, and my Man Pepperonis were bruised and sucker punched.  You can’t just milk anything that has nipples, I was wrong.  Thanking myself for ruining my Pepperonis and my life, I came to one conclusion: defeat.  I did what every good superhero would do; I scurried out from the corner and ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction.  Just then I ran into the woman of my dreams (my wife). I had known her for years (and by known her, you know what I mean.. bow chicka bow wow)  I knew she’d have an answer. This was fate.  She could possibly be the one to save the night and the whole city from Starvation Scream.
To be continued…

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