Episode 2.5 “Rise of Alactate”

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(This is the continued rambling of a delusional “Super Dad”)… I let my wife know the situation is not safe.  Starvation Scream was overpowering me.  I muttered, “I’m the strongest of super heroes in this twin city and I know I can go back and face this head on!”, even as bruised and emotionally scarred that I was.  She assured me she had this under control and there was no need for me to be defeated again.  She had me take a few deep breaths as she unveiled her real identity and her plan.  Her new name was Alactate.  She wasn’t always a super hero, but a strange ooze she came in contact with one day made her this way.  Face With Tears Of Joy Emoji (Twitter Version)Face With Tears Of Joy Emoji (Twitter Version)Face With Tears Of Joy Emoji (Twitter Version)  Anyways, she went on to say that after months of strange food cravings, stretching pains, mood swings (holy crap there were a ton of those), and total annihilation of the va… (I won’t go there for the sake of not being killed by Alactate).. she gave birth to her new identity.  She continued to describe her story in prolonged detail (or at least it seemed that long… She probably was nagging me, blaming me, etc etc.. I don’t really know since I tuned her out about 2 minutes into it).  However, these few words stuck out to me like a pair of hoohas directly in the face.  She explained, “There are more to my jug cannons than meets the eye.  These weapons will surely defeat Starvation Scream.” (Wait.. what???!!)  After I froze from the initial shock of it all, she continued her story.   All I remember from that point was: what once were mine would now be ripped from my hands. I let her know I did marry her for her amazing cannons, but I never knew they served a purpose other than my own.  I came to grips with all of this (and by came to grips… you know). I decided to be a man about it and let them go for now.  Was I about to allow Starvation Scream to take over the city all day and all night?  Besides, even the greatest of superheroes have sidekicks, right? And mine happens to have the finest pair of milk launchers in town! (Evil laugh.. wait, I’m the good guy.. Happy evil laugh.. totally better untitleduntitleduntitled)  I thought to myself, “This is the perfect scenario.”  Before I could say another word, she gripped her blouse with both hands and ripped it in half like superwoman on steroids.  It had to be the most amazing, yet terrifying, thing I saw all night. All these years they were mine but now they were launching milk like an extended firehouse putting out the flames of Starvation Scream’s fiery blaze. (They used to fuel the fire of our love furnace. This should be bringing you to tears now, even superheroes get emotional..) So, that’s that. I was defeated earlier in the night, but found out my wife was Alactate: the milk-launching super mom that was created by that strange ooze she came in contact with.  Starvation Scream got what it deserved and will continue to get a mouth full of milk and a belly full of love. (Because it stole all the love that belonged to me.) Of course, I’m not I’m upset, why would I be? 

I’m done, for now… (Stay Tuned)

Episode 3 is called “The Plot Thickens”. There may be more to this Alactate after all…

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